Alistair Begg, the well-known former pastor of Parkside Church in Cleveland, OH and the voice of Truth for Life, a broadcast ministry heard on more than 1800 radio stations across America, found himself in the midst of a controversy. To use his own words, he “set the cat among the pigeons” by suggesting to a grandmother she should attend her granddaughter’s wedding to a transgender person. The response was swift and strong. Begg’s radio program was removed from some stations and online outlets. He was asked not to speak at an upcoming conference. Articles and blog posts condemned Begg. But he held firm.  “If I’ve got to go down on the side of one or the other, I’ll go down on the side of compassion.”

Most recently in my own denomination, Pastor Wayne Fredericksen of Our Savior’s Lutheran Church in Arlington, VA, resigned his call and his place on the clergy roster. In a letter to his congregation Wayne wrote:

“This week, I was informed that the President of the Synod was reviewing accusations that were brought up against me concerning my ministry. The accusations included the pastoral care I offered to a transgender individual five years ago, including a picture of me wearing a stole created by the individual as an art project with images of which I was not aware of the meaning. I do not own the stole nor did I ever wear it in worship. The photo’s purpose was to show the individual’s professor how the stole looked on a person. Alongside this, my attendance at my daughter’s legal union to her female partner renders me ineligible to continue serving as a pastor in the LCMS, including as Senior Pastor at Our SaviorLutheran Church. While I did not participate in the ceremony, offer prayers, or give my daughter away, my presence with her in photographs has been cited as one of the reasons for this decision.”

Is attending a wedding between gay or transgender people against God’s will? What if they are your son, daughter, grandson or granddaughter? A close friend? Anyone else who is important in your life?

In Luke 15 we are told the following: 

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.” (v. 1-2, ESV)

Do the Pharisees have a point here? Jesus is not only “receiving” them (the underlying Greek word is defined, “receive, welcome; accept, hold”) but he is eating with them. Table fellowship was a HUGE deal in Jesus’ day. Having a meal with someone implied a relationship. By eating with sinners like tax collectors and prostitutes Jesus could easily be seen as endorsing their sin. The religious leaders may indeed have been right to be concerned.

So why did Jesus attend the feast that Matthew held for fellow tax collectors and other outcasts in Luke 5? Why did he head to the Roman Centurion’s home in Luke 7? Why did he allow the sinful woman to touch him while dining at the Pharisee’s home later in that same chapter? Why did he attempt to stay in a Samaritan village in Luke 9? It happens again and again. No wonder the religious leaders were concerned! To address their concerns, Jesus tells them three parables.

In the first, a sheep is lost and the shepherd goes out after it. In the second, a coin is lost and the woman who lost it goes to great lengths to find it. In the third two sons are lost (one far away, and one very close) and the father goes out to each of them so that they might be restored. In each of these parables the point is clear: people matter to Jesus, and he is willing to risk giving some (the religious leaders) the impression that he is endorsing sin so that he can do all he can to love people and welcome them into a relationship with their God.

Alistair Begg, in his sermon following all the fallout of his advice to a grandmother, focused especially on Jesus’ third parable. He made special note of the fact that as the first son is returning the father chases after him “while he was still a long way off.” How did the father see him coming? He was desperately looking for his son. He runs and embraces him and kisses him, even before he hears a single word of repentance from his boy. What did the others in the village think? The father is not concerned about that. Only his love for his son guides his actions.

When the older brother hears the party that has ensued, he does not enter the house. He sends a servant to find out what is going on. When he finds out it is a party for his long-lost brother, he refuses to go in. Why? He prefers to avoid his brother. He is worried his attendance will be seen as an endorsement of his brother’s actions and his father’s all-too-quick forgiveness. He does not want people to think he is fine with all this. Note again what the father does. He could easily send a servant to fetch his missing son. But instead he rises from the table, leaves his guests and the party behind, and goes out to his son. His love for this son leads him to risk offending his guests and again guides his actions. 

Jesus’ point is clear. It explains why he would attend Matthew’s feast, run to a Roman officer’s home, let a sinful woman touch his feet, use a Samaritan woman with issues to evangelize her village, stay at Zacchaeus’s home, and on and on. Chasing after people is more important to him than the risk of being seen as endorsing sin. I take great comfort in the fact that no matter where I go, no matter how far I fall, no matter what sin I have become involved in, Jesus will come chasing after me!

Alistair Begg told the grandmother she should attend her granddaughter’s transgender wedding because he knew how much that grandmother loved her granddaughter. He knew showing that love and maintaining a relationship was more important than the appearance of endorsement. He knew that God could use that continued relationship to bring God’s love into the life of that granddaughter and her partner.

Pastor Fredericksen attended his daughter’s same-sex wedding because he dearly loves his daughter. His attendance showed his daughter the same unconditional love he has received from his Savior. He was not making a theological statement or blanket endorsement, despite what some believe. He was doing what I believe Jesus would have done, and it should not have cost him his ministry. I understand there are other issues involved with his case, and I am not minimizing them. But on this issue I strongly support his decision to be there for his daughter. 

So… what do you do when asked to attend a same-sex or transgender wedding? I believe you should find a time to lovingly and personally share your concerns. And then surprise them by showing up in your best clothes and with a smile on your face. 

It’s what Jesus did.

If you would like to help Pastor Wayne Fredericksen and his family during this time of transition you can do that here: GoFundMe

IMPORTANT NOTE: This blog post is NOT seeking in any way to challenge or disagree with LCMS doctrine on marriage, sexuality, or gender. It IS meant to engage in a conversation about the application of that doctrine and the pastoral care of devout, faithful LCMS Lutherans.

In the last two posts we explored the facts regarding transgender participation in athletics, and the values that are framing the issue in the public sphere. In this post we will explore how we as Christians should (and should not) lend our voices to the discussion. First of all lets consider what we should NOT do…

We Should Not Quote the Bible

At almost every public meeting and in almost every letter to the editor or public statement by Christians, someone says or writes, “the Bible says God created us male and female…” Yes, this is what the Bible says. It is also not convincing and irrelevant for most people who hear or read what you have to say. It probably leads them to dismiss out of hand anything you say that follows. 

We no longer live in a nation where the majority of people are Christian. The Bible is no longer seen as authoritative by the people outside our faith tradition. Quoting the Bible to try and convince secular leaders or other parents that our viewpoint has merit is futile. And by the way, some Christians would remain unconvinced. Is Genesis 1:27 prescriptive for all or simply descriptive of the first humans created? Well meaning, Bible believing Christians may disagree. You probably aren’t even convincing the other Christians in the room of the truth in your words. 

We Should Not Misgender the Student Involved

If you believe trans girls should not participate in girls sports, and you lead with, “boys don’t belong in girls sports,” you are just confusing the issue and shutting down communication. You will be seen as rude and insulting. You aren’t helping your cause, and are in fact undermining any chance of civil conversation and debate. 

“But if I use the pronouns and gender they want I am being dishonest.” I hear that a lot and I disagree. Read this blog post for a more in depth discussion of that issue.

We Should Not Get the Facts Wrong

In the last Olympic Games there was outrage when many news outlets reported two transgender women were boxing against other women. I saw and heard the outrage from many Christians. Later it was revealed that neither athlete was transgender and in fact both were assigned female at birth. Despite the facts, many Christians stubbornly stuck to their narrative (and still do today).

What good does that do? Are people more or less likely to listen to what you have to say if you can’t be bothered to get the facts straight? In one recent letter a well-meaning Christian wrote, “sex is immutable from the moment of conception.” That is medically incorrect, and it called into question everything else the person wrote in the rest of the letter. 

All truth is God’s truth. We owe it to Him to get the facts straight.

We Shouldn’t Be Selfish

We know that the power of sin in our lives means that our first love is ourselves. The Old Adam in me is always leading with, “how is this going to affect me and those closest to me.” Listed among the “works of the flesh” in Galatians 5 is “selfish ambition.” It is so easy for us, even as followers of Jesus, to let selfishness creep into our motivations and the things we say and do around others, especially when it comes to emotional issues like transgender participation in sports. 

Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” When Christians speak up on transgender issues, rarely do I see them considering the needs and struggles of the transgender community as more significant than their own. There is little if any compassion for the trans kid running in the track meet or trying to figure out which locker room they can safely use. 

In one of the instances that sparked this series of blog posts, a crowd of about 30 adults stood on the sidelines and heckled a 16-year-old trans girl for hours. At one point their shouting was so loud it caused a false start in one of the races. Many of these adults who were there to “protest” profess to be Christians. There has to be a way to express concerns and even disagreements while also expressing care and compassion for all the students involved, including the transgender athlete. 

So what should we do?

We Should Lead with Love, Grace, and Compassion

As Christians we believe we are all sinners in need of God’s love and grace. All of us “fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) We also believe that Jesus came to give his life for us all. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) John writes that when Jesus came he came bringing “grace upon grace.” (John 1:16) When we encounter the living God we do not find an angry judge but a loving Father. How can all those we encounter experience that same love and grace in us?

I cannot imagine the struggles and difficulties the family of a 16 year old trans athlete have faced. I do not understand the resilience and courage it has taken for that young trans girl to come to this moment. I do know that all people need love, and specifically the love of God in their life. I can bring that love, and it should be my first and foremost goal.

We Should Remember What We Value

In the last post I talked about the values of fairness and participation that all people, whether Christians or not, bring to the table when considering issues of trans people and youth athletics. We looked at how those values are often in conflict. But now I ask you to consider some other, distinctly Christian values:

We believe all people are created in the image of God and, as a result, each person has inherent value. We are therefore to treat everyone we encounter with dignity and respect. (Genesis 1:26)

We believe we are all God’s children, and his plan for our lives is perfect and supersedes any plan of our own that is outside his will for us. (Psalm 18:30)

We believe we live in a broken, fallen world where much in life falls short of Gods ultimate design and plan. (Romans 8:22-23)

We believe God is working in each of us, to bring about his will and “good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13)

These Christian values are never in conflict. We do not have to pit “grace and truth” against each other, but instead seek how God would work both through us. While the world around us may not understand or accept these values, they should guide all we do as we engage that world. 

We Should Remember the Mission

Jesus clearly told us what we are to do. We are to “go and make disciples.” Our primary job is not to shape public policy, right the wrongs around us, or even to defend truth. Our job is to bring people to Jesus! Everything we do and say at a public meeting, in a post on social media, or that we express in our interactions with others should seek to do exactly that. 

A Closing Thought

Over the years I have had a chance to have conversations with a number of trans people. When I ask about their encounters with Christians, they all have stories of judgement, pain, and fear. Every. Single. One. Most do not attend church because they are terrified about how they would be treated there. 

The visibility that the transgender community is receiving these days in the world around us provides us with a unique opportunity to be a witness to the love and compassion of Jesus to all involved. Instead of jumping to a side in the political debate, we can rise above what is often very uncivil discourse to be a voice of reason, love, and care. I pray we will do so guided and empowered by God’s Spirit. 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22

I almost got fired coaching seventh and eighth grade girls basketball. All because I did not understand how values work, and what values are in play in junior and senior high athletics. I wish I had known then what I know now! For more on the story, read on…

Someone once told me (and I have repeated it often), “A value is something you believe so strongly you actually do something about it.” There are two values that often compete with each other when it comes to junior and senior high athletics. They are:

Fairness: We expect athletics to be fair, so that it is a “level playing field” for all and the best athletes (on that particular day or competition) will come out ahead and win.

Participation: We believe participation in athletics has inherent value as it develops character and teaches valuable life lessons. Since this is the case, ALL students should have a chance to benefit from participation.

Back to my personal story that illustrates the potential conflict: In my early ministry I was a junior high teacher and coach. One year I began a new teaching position, and with that came the responsibility to coach the seventh and eighth grade girls basketball team. They had done well the previous two seasons, advancing to the state finals both years.

The previous coach had a philosophy that said you play your best players the vast majority of the time. He was living out the fairness value, giving the team the best chance to succeed. He promised those that rode the bench as seventh graders that they would “get their chance” the next year when they were in eighth grade.

My philosophy as a coach was very different, valuing participation. I believed every kid on the team should play an equal amount. For some of those girls this was their last chance to play the sport, as the high school teams would cut students and not all could participate. So everybody played, even though this was not necessarily fair to the better players who had sat the bench the previous year.

When I explained this philosophy to the students and parents at the beginning of the year, the girls got it right away. They embraced the idea. The starters cheered loudly for their teammates when they were in the game. We lost a lot more games than in previous years, but the girls seemed to enjoy the experience more. We had fun.

The parents… not so much. I heard “this is not fair to my daughter” many times. Parents whose daughters had ridden the bench the year before were angry that their daughter was not getting the bulk of the playing time. And when our team did not qualify for the state tournament that year, a group of parents asked to meet with the principal, demanding a coaching change for the future.

When it comes to transgender girls participating in junior and senior high sports, these two values come into clear conflict. As we saw in the last blog post, it is not always easy to say whether a trans girl has a competitive advantage over cisgender girls or not. For those who value fairness, any chance of a competitive advantage is unacceptable.

For those who value participation, the thought of excluding any person who wants to gain the benefits of being part of a sport is unthinkable and cruel, even if that participation skews the results of the competition.

These two values were clearly in play at the recent school board meeting where the debate focused on a trans girl competing on a junior high track team. One parent said, “It’s pretty upsetting to see your kid distraught out there, trying to do her best, and doesn’t really have a shot.” This parent is clearly coming from a fairness perspective. Another said, “A school system that values every student is what we demand and expect.” She was clearly coming from a participation perspective.

So how does understanding values help? If you are parent, coach, administrator, or community leader involved in a situation where there is a transgender person seeking to participate in a sport, I would urge you to consider the following:

1. Ask yourself which of the above values is driving the issue for you? Be honest about what is motivating your feelings and actions on the issue.

2. Consider the statements and actions of others, and ask yourself if they are coming from a participation or fairness value. How can this understanding better help you communicate and move forward in the discussion?

3. Look for ways to compromise so that both the fairness and participation values can be honored.

Before we leave this discussion of values, there is another important value we have not mentioned:

Safety: While there is inherent danger of injury in any athletic pursuit, we want to do all we can to minimize that danger for the participants in any sport so that they can be kept as safe as possible.

Some are quick to note that there are safety issues for those involved when transgender and cisgender girls compete together. (It is interesting to note that I have never heard that same concern for trans boys competing with cisgender boys.) While I acknowledge that this indeed might be the case and must certainly be considered, in many cases this safety issue is greatly exaggerated and in others it is simply not relevant. For example, the International Chess Federation has banned trans women from competing in women-only chess competitions, citing potential competitive advantage and safety issues!

One final note: As Christians there are certainly other values that come into play, and we will explore these in the third and final post.

In the past week two events have garnered national attention. In California a transgender girl is competing in the state qualifying meets in the triple jump, high jump, and long jump. Her participation has sparked protests, letters from high school principals, and national news stories. Similarly, in the Chicago suburb of Naperville a junior high transgender girl has participated in local track meets, again sparking protests and a highly contentious school board meeting. There are lots of things being said on both sides of the issue. How are we as Christians to respond? First of all, I would argue we need to get our facts straight.

Before we dive in I have one caveat: I am focusing on the issue as it pertains to youth sports, namely junior high and high school athletics. I am doing this because I believe the issues for elite athletes (Division I college athletes, olympic athletes, and professional athletes) are different in some significant ways, and those issues are not what is sparking the present debate.

How many transgender athletes are there?

Exact numbers are hard to pin down because most states and sports associations do not track transgender athletes specifically. Privacy laws also limit data collection, especially concerning minors. However, we can do some digging to get some general idea on the answer to this question. 

A 2023 report from the Williams Institute at UCLA estimated that about 1.4% of U.S. youth aged 13–17 (roughly 300,000) identify as transgender. Of these, only a fraction participate in sports. A 2021 Human Rights Campaign report noted that just 12% of transgender girls and 14% of transgender boys play sports, implying around 35,000 transgender high school athletes nationwide, or about 0.44% of the 8 million high school athletes.

(Yes – transgender boys do participate in boys sports. But no one seems to care much about this and it rarely attracts the same attention as transgender girls do when they participate in girls sports. We will examine why this might be the case below.)

More specifically, a 2023 Newsweek article cited the American Civil Liberties Union, which reported that Save Women’s Sports, an organization advocating against transgender participation in girls’ sports, identified only five transgender athletes competing on girls’ teams in K–12 sports across the U.S. North Carolina reported 15 transgender athletes in high school sports, but only two were transgender girls.

Overall, these figures likely indicate that the total number of transgender athletes who are participating in organized high school sports is likely fewer than 100 at any given time. We can speculate that the number is fairly similar for junior high athletes. 

While we are not focusing on college athletics, it is relevant to note that in December of 2024 NCAA President Charlie Baker testified that out of more than 500,000 college student athletes, he believed that fewer than 10 were transgender men or women. 

So how many transgender athletes are there? Not many. Are transgender girls taking over and dominating girls sports? Not at all.

If there are so few transgender athletes, then why is this issue garnering so much attention?

There is no doubt that transgender issues, and specifically the issue of transgender athletes, has become an intense political focus. During the national and local campaigns of 2024 many candidates on the right used this issue to rally support and spark fear. Soon after his election President Trump signed an executive order banning transgender athletes from participation in girls’ and women’s sports. 

Utah is a perfect example of how politics has made a “mountain out of a molehill.” Bill HB11 was passed which in effect banned transgender athletes from participation in all sports. Although it was vetoed by the governor, that veto was later overridden by the state legislature. All this happened because, out of the approximately 75,000 kids participating in high school sports in Utah, four were transgender kids. (And only one was a trans girl.) Four. 

I am fairly confident that the political attention this issue has garnered has greatly complicated and magnified what should be an intensely local and personal issue. 

Finally, do transgender athletes have a competitive advantage?

This is really at the heart of the issue, isn’t it? (And this is why no one seems to care about trans boys participation, while they care deeply about trans girls participation.) The perception is that trans girls have a competitive advantage over cisgender girls. But is that really the case? Surprisingly, there is no simple answer.

There are no scientific and comprehensive studies that give us data either way. The closest we have is a 2023 study that was done on transgender soldiers in the Army and Air Force. These soldiers (and their cisgender counterparts) take annual fitness evaluations. They are timed running 1.5 miles, and they do as many sit-ups and push-ups as they can in one minute. The study followed transgender soldiers who had begun gender-affirming hormone therapy, tracking their results over a period of years. 

They found that it took two years for trans women’s running times to “normalize” with those of women assigned female at birth. It took four years for the sit-up scores to normalize, and their push-up scores never normalized. Clearly, at least in the case of these adults and in these particular athletic activities, the amount of time on hormones and the type of activity were relevant. In some cases there was a competitive advantage that persisted. In other cases time and the type of activity removed that competitive advantage.

Most medical experts also agree that if and when a person has gone through puberty matters. Personally this was true for me. I was highly competitive with my peers in fourth and fifth grade, starting on most school teams. By eighth grade I was riding the bench a lot, as many of my peers entered puberty before I did. Later in high school I caught up. 

This phenomenon is amplified if a trans kid is taking medication to delay puberty, or has begun hormone replacement therapy during puberty. There can be no doubt that some trans kids will exhibit a competitive advantage and some will not. Each case is different, and will be affected by the sport involved as well. 

So to get our facts straight, we cannot claim that all trans girls have a competitive advantage over cisgender girls. It’s simply not the case. In one national news story a trans girl playing on the girls high school softball team was asked if she was any good. She laughed and replied, “I stink. I’m the third string catcher.”

We can also not claim that it is an equal playing field for trans and cis kids. Some trans girls clearly have a competitive advantage. In one of the present news stories the trans girl participating in the triple jump out jumped her nearest competitor by over four feet. Clearly the issue is complicated. 

As Christians, when we speak up about issues in the public sphere we have a responsibility to speak from a position of facts and truth. Saying things out of ignorance or quoting “facts” that are untrue (but helpful to our point of view) only undermines our witness to the world around us.

So should transgender kids compete in junior high and high school sports? In our next post we will examine the values that are in play when we voice our opinion on that!

In recent days I have received a number of phone calls and emails from pastors and fellow Christians with questions about transgender athletes and sport participation. In part these were sparked by two cases that have received some national attention: a trans girl competing in junior high track in the Chicago suburbs and another trans girl jumping in the high school state track qualifying meet in California. Despite what some say, this is a complicated issue that deserves a thorough and thoughtful response. 

With that in mind, I plan to put out a three-part blog series addressing the issue:

Blog Post #1: What are the facts?

Blog Post #2: What values are affecting the issue?

Blog Post #3: How are we as Christians to respond?

I hope these posts add some clarity and give you something to think about. If you are in the “boys should not be competing in girls sports- period” camp, please give me a chance and give these posts a read.  On the other hand, if you are looking for someone to say “every trans kid should be able to participate wherever and however they want” you won’t find that here either. We probably won’t agree on everything. But I invite you to join me on this journey to try and make some sense on a complicated issue! Stay tuned for blog post #1, coming soon…

On “National Girls & Women’s Sports Day” (February 5, 2025) President Trump signed an executive order entitled, “No Men in Women’s Sports Executive Order.” The goal was to ban transgender women from participating in women’s sporting events. Late in 2024, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson said, “Look, men are men and women are women.” He was talking about policies related to bathroom usage in the U.S. Capitol. Here is my question: What definition are we using for “men” and “women?” They make it sound so simple. But is it?

I was working with a group of pastors recently and one of them headed down this path. In response to a similar question that I had posed, he flippantly said, “You want to know if you are a man? Drop your pants and I’ll show you.” He was clearly using anatomy to define a man. But we now know (based on the availability of genetic testing) that there are people who are XX (female) from a chromosome perspective but have male genitalia. We know that some people who appear physically female have the SRY gene, the gene that determines many male characteristics. We know some people are actually XXY (instead of XX or XY). And we know that the number of people that deal with this is actually much higher than you might expect. So can you “drop your pants” and tell if you are a man? It’s not that simple.

In the last Olympics two women boxers were revealed to have “failed” a genetic test administered by the Russian Boxing Federation (a notoriously partisan ruling body). They were instantly labeled “men” by many people. While we do not know the exact reason they were said to have failed the genetic test, many people assume they tested as having XY chromosomes, even though they were both identified as female at birth, have female genitalia, and have lived all their lives as women. When I was discussing this with a friend he quickly said, “I don’t care how they were identified at birth or what ‘hardware’ they have, if they are XY they are a man.” So does everyone need to take a genetic test before we can decide if you are a man or a woman? Again, it’s not that simple.

In yet another recent discussion someone said to me, “I don’t want my daughter competing against men. Men are bigger, stronger, and faster than women. If we let men compete in women’s sports someone is going to get hurt.” So do we let athletic capability tell us who is a man and who is a woman? I don’t think most people would suggest that. I used to be pretty fast and strong. I am 66 now and there are a LOT of women who could outrun me and out lift me without even exerting themselves. So of course athletic ability is not a way of identifying a man. But I think many people would suggest testosterone levels (which affect strength, etc.) are crucial to understanding who is a man. Testicles produce testosterone. Ovaries also produce testosterone (but in much lower levels). Levels vary from person to person, and that presents yet another “problem.” Some people whose anatomy and chromosomes would suggest they are female actually have higher testosterone levels than expected. So can you administer a hormonal test to decide if someone is male or female? Once again, it isn’t that simple.

In recent years brain structure research has revealed differences between the sexes. And sometimes we find a person’s brain structure does not match other anatomical features. So can brain structure tell us who is male or female? You guessed it. It’s not that simple.

Throw all the physiological stuff away, and there are still people who look in the mirror and are upset by what they see. They see what society would label “a man” and yet every fiber in their being screams, “that’s not me!” I don’t understand this. In seeking to understand I recently asked a trans person this question: “When I look in the mirror I expect to see my 40 year old self looking back at me, but I see an old man. Is that what it is like?” Their response? “Multiply that by 1 million and you might be getting close.” There is nothing simple about that at all.

We haven’t even delved into the spiritual yet. As Christians we believe we are both body and soul/spirit. My mom and dad are both dead. Their bodies remain here on earth in the cemetery at St. Peter’s Lutheran Church in Schaumburg, IL. Their souls are with Jesus. All the stuff above relates to those bodies, which are lifeless now and will be resurrected on the Last Day. But I believe their souls are still, in some way, male and female. He is still Dad and she is still Mom. If that is true, then would it be possible, in a fallen creation that is less than God intended, for a male soul to end up in a body whose chromosomes or anatomy or hormones or brain structure is different than God intended? It seems like that might be possible based on things like Paul’s statements about the “futility” of creation in Romans 8. Or Jesus referring to people who are different sexually “from birth” in Matthew 19. But again, it’s not that simple. 

My point in all this? Be careful. When a political leader says, “A man is a man,” there are thousands and thousands of people who intimately (and often painfully) know that it just isn’t that simple. When someone says, “we have to keep men out of women’s sports,” remember that the message to some is that they now have no place for athletic pursuits, and all the benefits that come from being part of a team and engaging in rigorous athletic competition. These are real people with real joys and struggles, and nothing about their life, when it comes to sex and gender, is simple. When we try to say that it is, we diminish their real experiences and imply that they have no value. 

Do you want to know another thing that isn’t simple? Finding ways to be loving and gracious with people who are very different than us. People whose struggles we do not understand. Who experience aspects of life very differently than we do. That is not simple at all. 

But it is totally worth it.

In my last blog post I explored the reasons why some Christians refuse to use a person’s preferred pronouns, and concluded that using someone’s preferred pronouns simply makes grammatical sense. In that post I wrote:

The most common usage of pronouns in America today is to use them to refer to someone’s self-affirmed gender. So when I say, “he” about someone I am NOT saying “this person is male,” I am saying “this person says he is male.” That fact is true whether you believe they are male or not. Or whether you believe God says they are male or not. All you are doing is recognizing what they believe about themself.

(If you want to read the full post you can find it here.)

But I believe there is an even more important reason to use the pronouns someone prefers you use: It’s the loving and caring thing to do. I believe this for a couple reasons.

Reason #1: Using a person’s preferred pronouns communicates that you care for and value that person. 

One trans person put it this way: “If someone refused to use my pronouns (not just screwed up, but refused), it was an explicit confirmation that they didn’t value me for who I was.” Another said, “I felt the message was that I am a toxic leper who needs to be banished outside of society. They cannot allow themselves to be defiled by the use of ‘wrong’ pronouns.” Or to put it in a more positive way, another person said, “Using my pronouns didn’t mean people agreed with me or my decision to transition. It just meant that they viewed me as equally human and deserving of respect.”

When we use the pronouns people prefer we are telling them we respect and value them. When we refuse we communicate our own beliefs and feelings are more important than theirs, whether that is what we want to communicate or not. 

The Apostle Paul’s first words to the people of Athens are interesting. (Acts 17:22ff). Some might argue that it would have been more truthful and have more integrity for Paul to say, “People of Athens, you are pagans who worship many false gods. I see evidence of this all over your city.” But instead Paul says, “People of Athens, I can see that you are very religious in all things. As I was going through your city, I saw the many objects of your worship.” One statement shuts the door and communicates, “I know better than you.” The other opens the door for deeper conversation and relationship. Using a person’s preferred pronouns does the same.

Reason #2 – Using a person’s preferred pronouns is the safest thing to do.

Consider the following situation: an individual you have known for years has transitioned and is now living as a different gender than you once knew them to be. If you insist on using their former pronouns, every time you do that you risk “outing” them to the people around you… people who may not know their story. This might be embarrassing for them. But it also could have serious consequences for their employment, relationships, and even their physical safety. Violence against trans people is on the rise and exposing them puts them at risk.

Or worse yet, using pronouns other than someone’s preferred pronouns might push someone who is struggling emotionally into self harm. You risk reawakening previous experiences of trauma and rejection.

When I was a seventh grade teacher I had a girl in my class that was an exceptional student and a bright light in the classroom. But suddenly that bright light dimmed and her grades began to suffer. Her mother and I were at a total loss and unable to ascertain what was causing the abrupt change. We feared drug use or some other destructive behavior. Finally, in tears one night she opened up to her mom. She had been abused by her father when she was much younger. Those feelings had been buried down deep and when our class began a study of the Lord’s Prayer in religion class I had emphasized how important it was to see God as “Our Father.” All her hurts and struggles came roaring back. Had I known I am sure I would have been much more careful in helping her, and the whole class, see the difference between earthly parents who are sinful and a Heavenly Father who is loving and perfect! 

Who is to say that your refusal to respect someone’s pronoun choices might not be the spark that brings previous rejection and pain roaring back? You may think you are making a theological point, but instead you might be causing dangerous harm. 

The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some” (1 Corinthians 9:22). Pastor and author Caleb Kaltenbach echos this sentiment when he says, “I will do anything, short of sinning, to maintain influence in the life of the LGBTQ people I know.” In both of these statements there is a radical openness to consider the joys, wants, and needs of another person, all for the sake of showing them God’s love and grace. I know some Christians claim that using anything other than the pronouns that align with a person’s assigned sex is sin. I find their arguments faulty and as a result I remain unconvinced. As a result I will always do my best to use the pronouns that people prefer. I believe that is the loving and Christ-like thing to do!

This spring has produced a number of opportunities to speak to groups of pastors and Lutheran congregations. At almost every gathering, during the Q&A time, someone has asked something like, “My niece wants me to call her ‘he/him.’ Should I do that?” I was not well prepared for that question and I am afraid I did not give a very well-thought-out answer. As a result I’ve been doing some thinking and research and the next couple of blog posts will address that question.

First of all, why is it that some people struggle to use the pronouns that are preferred by the person they are interacting with? Here’s what I found…

For some people, it is a matter of truthfulness. In the “Nashville Statement” published by the Center for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, the following is written: “We affirm our duty to speak the truth in love at all times, including when we speak to or about one another as male or female. We deny any obligation to speak in such ways that dishonor God’s design of his image-bearers as male and female.” One of the signers of that statement put it even more succinctly, “I would be lying to call a he a she.”

Underlying this view is the idea that the sex someone is assigned at birth is determined by God, and is, therefore, a truth that trumps all else. Because of that, using any pronouns that do not agree with that truth is lying to the person and to anyone else who might be a part of that communication. On one hand there is concern for the individual being “gendered” with the pronouns, and on the other hand there is a concern for the public witness to others. There is also a sense that using any pronoun that is different than a person’s assigned sex is dishonoring the God that gave them that gender.

There are three assumptions that underly this view:

Assumption #1: Assigned sex is indeed determined by God and is a gift from God to the individual. The problem with this assumption is that it does not account for intersex people whose assigned sex was done by a doctor or parents at birth. It also ignores the fact that, because we live in a broken, fallen world, there are many things about the bodies we are born with that may not necessarily be part of God’s ultimate plan for our lives. Finally, it dismisses the idea that someone’s assigned sex and their self-affirmed gender might be different and that might be exactly what God intended for that person.

Assumption #2: Pronoun gender only refers to someone’s sex assigned at birth. The problem with this assumption is that grammatical gender, which includes pronoun gender, is extremely flexible and means different things in different languages and at different times for different people. In some cases it is purely grammatical and has nothing to do with assigned sex or a person’s self-affirmed gender. In other cases people may use pronouns based on appearance alone, ignoring both assigned sex and self-affirmed gender.

Assumption #3: When I use a pronoun it is my intended usage that matters, not how others use it. The problem with this assumption is that language does not work that way. If I ask for “biscuits” in London I will get something very different than I will get if I ask for them in Tennessee. Simply using the word the way I intend is not enough, and may end up with unintended consequences.

The most common usage of pronouns in America today is to use them to refer to someone’s self-affirmed gender. So when I say, “he” about someone I am NOT saying “this person is male,” I am saying “this person says he is male.” That fact is true whether you believe they are male or not, or whether you believe God says they are male or not. All you are doing is recognizing what they believe about themself.

Clearly, I believe the most effective way to communicate with anyone and everyone is to use the pronouns they would use for themselves. It is grammatically correct and the caring and polite thing to do. But I also believe there is a much more important reason to do this, and will address that in my next blog post.

(A lot of my thinking on this issue was shaped by a pastoral paper entitled, “What Pronouns Should Christians Use For Transgender People?” by Gregory Coles. Greg is the author of Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity. While I do not necessarily agree with everything he writes, I am thankful for his compassionate and intelligent approach to this topic!)

The song “Drunk People” by country singer Ryan Hurd contains the line, “Come as you are, this place ain’t got no steeple.” He is referencing a bar where everyone is welcome, no matter what their past, how they struggle, or who they happen to be. In this particular bar you can come as you are… you won’t be judged and you will be received with welcoming arms. What troubles me about the lyric is not that all are welcome, but the implication that there is a place where that might not be the case: a place that has a steeple.

For many people, churches are seen as places where they are not welcome unless they wear certain clothing, believe certain things, and act in a certain way. Your life needs to fit a certain profile. Conform to certain standards. Declare certain things to be true. Is your life a mess? Are you someone who is different? Walk into the bar, you’ll be fine. But slap a steeple on top and call it a church? You’d better look out. Now, some Christians may argue that this is not true. That the picture painted is overly harsh. And that may be true… for them. But the key here is not how Christians feel about their church. It is how the people outside it feel. And for them this country song lyric rings true. 

And this is especially true if you are from the LGBTQ community. 

In his book “Us vs. Us” Andrew Marin shares research that illustrates the problem. Of LGBTQ people that grew up in a faith community, 76% are open to returning to that faith community. (Only 9% of the general population would say the same.) But they are afraid of how they would be received. One lesbian is quoted as saying, “I would come back if I had the strength to do so.” Marin asked these same people what it would take for them to come back. In order of frequency, their responses were that the church should be loving, patient, realistic, authentic, and supportive. All things churches already claim to be, but unfortunately often aren’t.

The number one complaint that the religious leaders of Jesus’ day had about him was that he “received sinners and ate with them.” (Luke 15:2) The word translated as “receives” in our English bibles means, “eagerly wait for, welcome, accept.” No wonder people excluded from the religious society of Jesus’ day were “all drawing near to hear him.” With Jesus they felt welcome. They felt accepted. They were not afraid. They could come as they were!

Here is the challenge: How can our faith communities reflect Jesus in such a way that all feel welcome? That all can come as they are and experience the acceptance and love of our amazing God?

How can we turn steeples into welcome signs?

I was at a Super Bowl party with a bunch of friends, most of whom do not have a church home or a connection to Jesus. There was a huge projection screen for all to see and a state of the art sound system filling the room. As is normal for the big game, the commercials were getting almost as much attention as the game itself. 

A commercial came on and the first image was gripping. A home with dated decor. An older woman clearing the dining room table. A younger woman (her daughter?) sitting at the table. And right in the entryway, a young man (the daughter’s husband?) on his knees washing the feet of an older gentleman. He’s looking up at the man, who is looking at him with a hard to read look on his face. Maybe a son-in-law washing his father-in-law’s feet? Hmmm…

The image shifts to a cop and a black man in an urban alley. Then a cowboy and a Native American. A suburban woman and an immigrant fresh off the bus. You get the idea. In each case these are people we might expect to be in conflict. And in each case one is washing the other’s feet. All to a cover of the song “Never Tear Us Apart (Two Worlds Collide)” by INXS. 

At the party, the room quieted a bit as everyone focused in on the commercial. Someone said, “This is one of those ‘He Gets Us’ ads, isn’t it?” Someone else said, “Yeah, that Jesus stuff.” And they were right. It was. They all know I am a pastor, so it led to some interesting conversations. Really great conversations. It was all very cool… until I saw the backlash on Monday morning.

Some of the images apparently crossed the line for some conservative Christians.  One was of a woman who had clearly been protesting outside an abortion clinic but was now washing the feet of a young woman who presumably was a client of that clinic.  Another was of a man wearing a clerical collar washing the feet of someone who clearly was a part of the LGBTQ community. Despite the message of “Jesus didn’t teach hate, He washed feet,” the He Gets Us folks had touched off a firestorm. 

I am ashamed at the reaction from some Christians. One website that I normally respect said this: “Jesus didn’t teach hate. But he didn’t teach indulgent tolerance either.” Another simply stated that they were pulling their funding for the He Gets Us campaign because obviously the people behind it were no longer pro life and had endorsed the “gay agenda” in our country. They jumped to the conclusion that the message of love for all people somehow translated into agreement with every life choice they made and affirmation of their political and social positions. 

Candidly, I believe some Christians are letting their politics affect their theology and their understanding of the Gospel.

The Pharisees accused Jesus of the sin of “receiving sinners and eating with them.” (Luke 15:2) Interestingly, one translation of the word “receiving” could also be “accepting.” Or “extending hospitality to.” Let’s be clear – Jesus was not agreeing with every life decision people were making or affirming every belief about what was right and what was wrong. But he accepted them. He made them feel welcome. And he sat down for meals with them (and this “table fellowship” was a BIG deal in the culture of their day). Jesus showed love and acceptance to the people the religious leaders of the day wanted him to avoid. That they avoided at all costs.

Jesus did not teach us to tolerate our enemies, even indulgently. He taught us to love them. 

Back at my party, someone asked me, “Do you really think Jesus would want Christians to wash a gay man’s feet?” I responded, “Of course I do.” Their response still rings in my ears. “Then why don’t they?”

(Note: I’m normally careful to only use images that I have purchased in my blog posts, but this time I used the He Gets Us images right from their site. Others posting on the subject have done the same. If you want to see the whole ad and the ideas behind it check out https://hegetsus.com/en/articles/what-is-foot-washing-and-what-does-it-symbolize)