At a government task force meeting, two gay psychologists were discussing issues affecting the gay community. At one point one of them shared a concern that they had seen a number of gay people joining Christian churches. They speculated that there was something missing in the gay community that was not meeting the emotional, spiritual, and social needs of these people, leading them to seek these things in a church community. They concluded with the phrase, “I am worried that these churches will hurt our people.”
There is an assumption behind that statement that I find fascinating and worth exploring. Basically the psychologist was saying that a gay Christian would have more in common with other gay people than they would with other Christian people. Or to put it another way, there was the assumption that the gay community would have a better chance of meeting a gay Christian’s needs – their emotional, social, and spiritual needs – than a Christian community would have. “They are our people. We get them better than anyone. And if they hang out with Christians too long they are going to get hurt.”
There may actually be some evidence that this is the case. A 2008 study found that 86% of LGBTQ people were raised in a faith community from the ages of 0 to 18. The vast majority of these Christian young people left the church after they came out. Interestingly, the primary reason they left was not the theological position of their church or even something someone said to them or did to them as a result of their gender or sexuality. The primary reason they left was, as one person put it, “No one was willing to listen to my story.”
Think about that for a minute. The journey that leads someone to explore, wrestle with, acknowledge, and share with others their gender or their sexual orientation is a long and challenging path. It is full of potential for struggle and pain, as well as joy and relief. The Bible clearly teaches human beings were created to face any significant journey like this in the community of others who can care, listen, support, struggle, and celebrate right along side them. Yet for so many LGBTQ people their faith community left them to struggle and celebrate alone. As a result they found community elsewhere, often with people that did not share their Christian faith.
(A side note: This lack of Christian community in traditional church settings is not limited to the LGBTQ community. A recent study published in the Wall Street Journal found that a growing share of people 18-25 years old said they believed in God or a higher power. Interestingly, this new faith is NOT translating into church attendance or participating in a church community. Instead, these young believers are expressing their faith by following people on social media who speak from a faith-based perspective, or by connecting with others who have a similar faith outside of an organized church community.)
Church communities need to do better! Our common belief in a loving God, in the saving work of Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit, and in the value of each and every human life should result in the kind of transformational community that meets the emotional, social, and spiritual needs of everyone. If you have a relationship with Jesus, your brothers and sisters in Christ should truly be “your people” more than anyone else! (Check out what Jesus said in Matthew 12:48-50.) No one should ever journey alone, no matter what struggle they are facing. Everyone should be Fully Known and Truly Loved! (Check out this blog post for more.)
For that to happen a lot needs to change. We have to stop leading with the law and be people of “grace upon grace” as Jesus was. (John 1:16) We have to listen before we speak. We have to stop being afraid of people or ideas that are different from what we know and have experienced. We have to, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Let’s help “our people” remain “our people” with the love of Jesus!