Fully Known AND Truly Loved

According to Keller there is a third possibility. What if I could be fully known and truly loved?

I would literally trade anything for that. To know that someone knows all there is to know about me, good and bad, and still loves me… that really gets my heart pumping. In fact, simply contemplating that and typing these words has brought tears to my eyes. I hope you have had the privilege of experiencing that kind of unconditional and complete love in your life. I have.

One of my most shameful memories is of a time when I was a teenager and I got into an argument with my mom. I don’t remember what it was about, but I know I said some stupid and harsh things. My mom began to cry. Having made my point I stormed from the room and headed down the hall. My dad, who had been silently watching this unfold, had had enough. He made his own storm has he followed me down that hall, and when I turned to face him he told me in no uncertain terms that I was going to march right back into the living room and apologize to my mother.

I took a swing at him.

I am embarrassed to put those words to paper. I still feel the bitter sting of the shame of what I did, even though it happened 45 years ago. Fortunately my dad was the more mature man that night, and he stepped aside and let me go and cool down. Later I apologized to my mom and to him. It was beautiful and heartfelt. At least that’s how I remember it. But I was obnoxious and 17 so it probably wasn’t as great an apology as I remember.

Eleven years later, my dad was near death from cancer. In a quiet moment by his bedside I recalled that day and asked again for his forgiveness.

He didn’t remember it happening. Seriously. It wasn’t “chemo brain” or anything like that, he was still sharp as a tack even though his body was starting to shut down. He simply had forgotten what had happened. His love for his son was stronger than my rebellion. At least for that specific event. He did smile and say, “Yeah, you were pretty hard on your mother when you were a teenager.” And I was. And she still loved me too! I was fully known by my mom and dad, and still truly loved.

Of course, the ultimate example of being fully known and truly loved is the unconditional love and grace of my other Father. My heavenly one.

King David wrote, “Lord, you have examined me and know all about me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them. You know where I go and where I lie down. You know everything I do.” (Psalm 139:1-3) David could hide nothing from God. And trust me, David had a lot he wished he could hide. That list included adultery and murder! And yet, when he contemplated how fully known he was by God he went on to write, “God, your thoughts are precious to me.” Why? Because David knew how God thought about him. He knew God had declared him, “A man after my own heart.” (Acts 13:22) David knew that in God he was fully known and truly loved.

You are like David. And so am I. God knows everything about us, and still loves us more than we can imagine. I don’t have to hide a thing. I don’t need to hide a thing. I am fully known and truly loved. And as Keller says, that is “what I need more than anything.”

For far too long people from the LGBTQ+ community have believed and experienced that they have to hide certain aspects of their life to be welcome in many churches. That used to be true for lots of other people as well. If you were divorced or living together or heavily tattooed you might have been concerned about how people would react if you visited a church. Fortunately, churches have (mostly) gotten better at making “those people” feel welcome and open about who they are.

But my heart breaks for the many gay, lesbian, and trans people I have met that have shared with me the rejection they have experienced by God’s family. Some of them have even experienced that rejection in the church in which they grew up! They were loved until they became fully known, and then everything changed.

My dream, and the dream for this ministry, is to help congregations be places where LGBTQ people can be fully known and truly loved. Where they can be totally themselves, and know that not only God loves them but His people do to.

Wouldn’t that be amazing?