Sometimes when I speak with a group of leaders or pastors my message is received well. Often I may get some push back or disagreement. I love those moments! After all, I am usually challenging people’s presuppositions or asking them to think about things they have never before considered. Why wouldn’t I expect people to wrestle with those ideas?
But on some occasions I am a little stunned by the opinions expressed by people I know to be thoughtful, caring individuals.
For example, during one recent conversation I made the case that while someone might disagree with gay marriage, they could at least see that a gay married couple isn’t hurting anyone. He disagreed, and in fact believes that gay marriages are harmful to the people involved and the community in which they exist. I must admit I wasn’t sure how to respond. Even though someone might believe that a gay marriage is different than God’s plan, it seems to me that two people, committed to one another for life and dedicated to the well being of one another, can’t possibly be “harmful to the people involved and the community in which they exist.” But apparently not everyone agrees.
In another case someone equated gender affirming care to unnecessary plastic surgery. In other words, they were saying that, “just as you shouldn’t have surgery on your nose when there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, a transgender person should not take hormones or have surgery when there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.” I tried to help this person see that gender dysphoria is indeed a real thing, and to dismiss it as “nothing wrong” is uncaring and uninformed. Again, apparently not everyone agrees.
So how do we react when we are faced with people that see things radically differently than we do? Throw up our hands in frustration and find someone else to talk to? Remove the person from our contact list and block their number? Or lean in to the conversation and patiently and clearly try and help them understand?
In the vast majority of cases I am going to assume the person simply doesn’t have all the information. That they are operating under false assumptions. That they mean well but have never carefully considered other possibilities. Maybe they never will. But that won’t stop me from giving it a shot…
And I long to hear the phrase that I heard from one of the people above. As our gathering was wrapping up, they looked at me and said, “You’ve given me something to think about.” YES!!! The door is not completely closed. There is possibility for more dialog. The walls that were built up are teetering a little.
Sometimes I will take what I can get!
There is nothing wrong with my hair, but I color it. Changing yourself, if it makes you more confident or happy. Or even makes you feel less anxious because the grey hair is gone is good.
I agree with you Agnes. But I would argue that, for the transgender person, the care they seek and the changes they make have to do with so much more than simply making them more confident or happy, or even making them less anxious. There is something deeper and more important going on. And I know you get that!